I’m Piper. And I thought for a very long time about naming our adventures “Getting Paid In Eye Rolls.” But then my oh-so–brilliant firstborn delivered the gem that would stick with us. Like a puddle of mud…
You already know me; fun, sarcastic coffee-fueled girly girl. I love red wine, dark chocolate, my kids, my hubby, and giggling. I don’t hold still well and I hate being cold. Or sticky. I HATE being STICKY. My motto is if momma ain’t happy, nobody will be. They’ve caught on pretty quick.
Allow me to introduce the troops…
Grumpy: My hubs. Sports fanatic, beer connoisseur. Hard working, too smart for his own good, and constantly looking for the bigger better deal. Loves me, the kids, the dogs, cigars, scotch, swearing, and most days the Philadelphia Eagles.
Bear: Kindest teenager on the block. The golden child. My firstborn. Super talented, UBER smart and always challenging himself to do a little better, try a little harder. Best helper EVER. Self proclaimed Mamas boy and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Aspires to be a scientist, Engineer or BATMAN. Loves legos, drawing, video games (playing, programming) his little brother, me and the cat. Hates eggs.
The Princess: Sweet Rapunzel with a bit of sass. My very own Punky Brewster wrapped in anything pink. Energy for days, this girl must be moving. Wearing out the dogs or twirling until I’m dizzy. She is a beautiful angel with the sharpest tongue and the hottest temper. Has adopted mommy’s advice to be “just as smart as I am pretty.” She loves playing with dolls, tea parties, bonding with the dogs and playing in the mud. Hates sweet potatoes and raw onions.
Moo: My diabolical, dimpled, angel faced babydoll. Bart Simpson meets Dennis the Menace. Likes to be good, but loves to be naughty. Rarely admits to anything and shows no remorse either way. Then melts in my arms and snuggles down into all the soft places. You can see my dilemma… Loves Star Wars (particularly the villians) Jurassic world, because of the T-rex and Indominous Rex, legos, video games and zip-up-hoodies (the kind that go over your face.) Hates: spaghetti, school, cleaning his room and snow.
Fugly: Our HUGE French Mastiff who loves to play, slobber, eat, chew up our deck and make me sneeze. He drives me crazy but scares the hell out of the neighborhood, so I’ll keep him. Besides, he has the most adorable smile!
Miss Pants: His wife. Our English Bulldog. She is as wide as she is tall and has the face only a Fugly could love. She snaps at him all day and snuggles him all night. She wears opera length gloves and stalks me in the bathroom. She’s a good fit around here.
Mischief: the cat. Lives in my cottage. She’s very sweet. She eats, poops and scratches the wall.
P-dubs: my dad. Best Grandpa in the world as he has refused to grow up. Loves to be babysat by his grandkids, travel, draw lighthouses and take his “tridlets” to restaurants. Special skill: talking backwards. I don’t mean sdrawkcab gniklat, I mean balking tackwards.
Chocolate covered; my sis. The beloved Aunt. The one they would REALLY want to live with if they decided to ditch me, all because she has a snack cupboard and a “oh-let-the-little-darlings-do-whatever-they-want” attitude. Don’t get me wrong, I love her more than marzipan, but there are rules that must be obeyed. And SCHEDULES. And bedtimes.
Sensei; Big. Burly. Hard as nails, heart of gold. Would fly to the moon for my kiddos, loves them like his own. Loves karate, motorcycle riding, shooting guns and camping. Always up for anything, and always eager to lend a hand on all my labor-intensive projects. Somehow he fits into our big crazy family and he always has a reserve spot at our table.
There are more and undoubtedly you will meet them a bit at a time, but that is enough for now. It’s lunchtime, and a girl simply MUST keep her priorities straight.
Cheers!