Category: Muddle of Pudd.

My smallest son swears. For a long time I refused to acknowledge it. Even tried to deny it. Nope, not true. MY adorable angel drop an F-bomb?!? Unheard of.

That is, until I heard it with my own two ears. There is nothing that can prepare you for THAT word coming out of THAT mouth. We wait for so long for them to utter their first word, hoping for a “mama” while watching them paddle off in their diapers. Only to be rewarded half-a-decade later with him stomping his foot  in front of a video game, launching the controller across the room and screaming my least favorite four letter F-word at the top of his lungs at his older brother.

Or when I ground him for a messy room. He spouts off the S-word.

Or when he tumbles down the last three steps of the staircase and hurts himself. He screams one beginning with the letter D.

Or when he stubs his toe on his favorite T-Rex toy on his way to bed…

 

And then I pondered for a moment, where on Earth could he have learned that word? School? His brother? Me?!?

Noooooo….  He had two sources.  Two SHINING examples. One was notorious for swearing at the Eagles football games on TV. The other was constantly cursing and throwing wrenches across the room at his autoshop.  Together over beers and BBQ’s had enriched my sons vocabulary to the beauty that it is today….

I just hope I never get a call from the Principal to discuss exactly HOW he chooses to express himself…

 

I’m Piper. And I thought for a very long time about naming our adventures “Getting Paid In Eye Rolls.” But then my oh-so–brilliant firstborn delivered the gem that would stick with us. Like a puddle of mud…

You already know me; fun, sarcastic coffee-fueled girly girl. I love red wine, dark chocolate, my kids, my hubby, and giggling. I don’t hold still well and I hate being cold. Or sticky. I HATE being STICKY.  My motto is if momma ain’t happy, nobody will be. They’ve caught on pretty quick.

Allow me to introduce the troops…

Grumpy: My hubs. Sports fanatic, beer connoisseur. Hard working, too smart for his own good, and constantly looking for the bigger better deal. Loves me, the kids, the dogs, cigars, scotch, swearing, and most days the Philadelphia Eagles.

Bear: Kindest teenager on the block. The golden child. My firstborn. Super talented, UBER smart and always challenging himself to do a little better, try a little harder. Best helper EVER. Self proclaimed Mamas boy and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Aspires to be a scientist, Engineer or BATMAN. Loves legos, drawing, video games (playing, programming) his little brother, me and the cat. Hates eggs.

The Princess: Sweet Rapunzel with a bit of sass. My very own Punky Brewster wrapped in anything pink. Energy for days, this girl must be moving. Wearing out the dogs or twirling until I’m dizzy. She is a beautiful angel with the sharpest tongue and the hottest temper. Has adopted mommy’s advice to be “just as smart as I am pretty.” She loves playing with dolls, tea parties, bonding with the dogs and playing in the mud. Hates sweet potatoes and raw onions.

Moo: My diabolical, dimpled, angel faced babydoll. Bart Simpson meets Dennis the Menace. Likes to be good, but loves to be naughty. Rarely admits to anything and shows no remorse either way. Then melts in my arms and snuggles down into all the soft places. You can see my dilemma… Loves Star Wars (particularly the villians) Jurassic world, because of the T-rex and Indominous Rex, legos, video games and zip-up-hoodies (the kind that go over your face.) Hates: spaghetti, school, cleaning his room and snow.

Fugly: Our HUGE French Mastiff who loves to play, slobber, eat, chew up our deck and make me sneeze. He drives me crazy but scares the hell out of the neighborhood, so I’ll keep him. Besides, he has the most adorable smile!

Miss Pants: His wife. Our English Bulldog. She is as wide as she is tall and has the face only a Fugly could love. She snaps at him all day and snuggles him all night. She wears opera length gloves and stalks me in the bathroom. She’s a good fit around here.

Mischief: the cat. Lives in my cottage. She’s very sweet. She eats, poops and scratches the wall.

P-dubs: my dad. Best Grandpa in the world as he has refused to grow up. Loves to be babysat by his grandkids, travel, draw lighthouses and take his “tridlets” to restaurants. Special skill: talking backwards. I don’t mean sdrawkcab gniklat,  I mean balking tackwards.

Chocolate covered; my sis. The beloved Aunt. The one they would REALLY want to live with if they decided to ditch me, all because she has a snack cupboard and a “oh-let-the-little-darlings-do-whatever-they-want” attitude. Don’t get me wrong, I love her more than marzipan, but there are rules that must be obeyed. And SCHEDULES. And bedtimes.

Sensei; Big. Burly. Hard as nails, heart of gold. Would fly to the moon for my kiddos, loves them like his own. Loves karate, motorcycle riding, shooting guns and camping. Always up for anything, and always eager to lend a hand on all my  labor-intensive projects. Somehow he fits into our big crazy family and he always has a reserve spot at our table.

There are more and undoubtedly you will meet them a bit at a time, but that is enough for now. It’s lunchtime, and a girl simply MUST keep her priorities straight.

Cheers!